“My bones ache from within. I close my eyes even more as the light of day becomes eminent. I don’t feel like moving a limb, even breathing is painful. My brain is bloated against my skull, it is difficult to think. Another day, another 24 agonizing hours to go through. At last I open my eyes because the alarm is ringing in my ears like screeching tires of hundred crashing cars, I see darkness, even with the rays of the sun slowly seeping through the curtain, everything around is dark and grey!”
DEPRESSION– clinically speaking, is a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.
It is a culprit that is slowly creeping into each and everyone of us, it is a ‘thing’ that you think you have but hope it will stay dormant. It does not, it never will- it only get worse. You do not have to be diagnosed to know something is wrong with you. You feel it, you start to deal with it on and off. You wish you can do something to fight it, you don’t know where to begin- you want to try to keep it at home, without medication. There is nothing wrong with getting medicated, if it helps you get back on the right path of self worth, self appreciation and overall well being then by all means get medicated!
Personally, I don’t like medicines overall. I take it to get better but I don’t like it- I don’t think anybody like dry mouth, feeling sleepy and overall feeling lethargic. I found a few ways to feel better, to get above the sense of worthlessness, the feeling of loss that I would like to share.
1. COMMUNICATE- One day I had an impulse to text my husband words I would never have said if I was sane. I was jealous- for nothing! My husband is a kind of person who does not even look at another woman, which I sometimes encourage. I was sad about something I don’t even know. I was angry, I was in rage. I would keep everything that I feel inside myself, we have been married for a long while and he knows me better than I know myself. I think, by that time it was the breaking point for him, his patience and his silence. When he got home, we talked. We talked like we never did before. He reminded me that WE ARE A TEAM. We lift each other, we protect and we COMMUNICATE. It made me realize it is not just ME in this relationship, or in this life- once you DECIDE to share a life with someone, whether out of love or convenience, it becomes a dance, a compromise and sharing. It is not anymore about MY feelings, not even about OUR feelings, but it is also about HIS feelings. All the while I always think what about me, what about how I feel…well, what about how HE feels? If you have a wonderful supportive husband, you are very blessed and I could say I AM! One thing that stuck in head and really got me thinking seriously when he told me,
“I feel like you have barricaded yourself inside a room with windows closed. I knock on the door because I want to see you, I would love to see how you’re doing, instead of letting me in, you come out- then we talk and you go back in. I hear you crying sometimes inside the room, I knock, I call you- ‘Please let me in’, but you answer back with a muffled voice, ‘I’m fine…really I’m fine!’ What do you think I should do? It hurts me so bad. I wait outside the door, when will you let me in? I ache to hug you and tell you I’m here, but I can’t do that outside the room.”
If you do not have a significant other, find someone very close to you and is willing to talk, someone that is willing to help you go through this negative vibes. Talk about your feelings, CRY, LAUGH, let it out- let it all out! Remember this is not just a one day communication, this is a process. It may be long hours at first, then as you progresses, you become better and feelings become lighter as well.
2. TREAT YOURSELF BETTER- Do not be too hard on yourself. People tend to overcompensate their loneliness with work. Over-working is not the answer to self confidence and self worth. Go out more often, it does not have to be with someone- go out for a walk in the park. Go to lake and stare at it’s beauty and vastness. Go to museum, open your mind to the artwork around you. If you can draw, then SKETCH once in a while. If you like music, go to a concert or an opera. There are so many things you can do IF you want to. Eat healthy! Enough of the junk food- or lay low on soda. The more you feel better physically with being healthy, you will feel more better emotionally.
3. DO NOT ENTERTAIN NEGATIVE VIBES- Challenge negative thoughts! When a person is depressed, or angry, jealous or sad… it is a tendency to think negative thoughts. Most of the time, it is about self worth. “I’m not good enough!” Everything in this world happens for a reason, and most likely it is not what you think it is! A lot of our worries does not even happen, so why engross your brain with so much negative vibes? Think pragmatically, everything that happens under the sun has a side of the story to tell. Don’t jump into conclusions. It is hard to do, believe me it is! But you just have to take this baby, one step at a time. If you have #1 and #2 up on your shoulders, this is not that hard a challenge.
4. Lastly, SET GOALS- I know this is a long term goal, but set some. It is always rewarding to see yourself overcoming little hurdles in life, it is the same here. Depression, or anything of the kind is the same. You and your partner, or just yourself should set realistic goals weekly, monthly and THE long term goal. Example: If you had feelings of deep loneliness everyday or 7 times a day, then your short term goal should be trying to overcome it at least 3 times a day. Something like that, I’m just being realistic- pragmatic.
Always remember, these are not short term fixes! It might be a constant battle, but it is worth the try. There are always medications to take, I am with you 100% on that if you want to go that route, but if you do not want taking pills everyday for it, these might work for you.
Let me leave you with these quotes: