Why is it so hard to say sorry. I have difficulty saying it at times, but I do say it. Not like ‘accidentally knocked a glass of water sorry’ but a real apology for being an Ass sometimes.
A relationship will always have mistakes. I’m an up and down kind of person. I am a person who ‘treated’ my own depression with, “It could not be that bad, there are starving people in other poor countries!” I know and I could feel it when it is going to hit me. I try to keep my head up above water but I sometimes go down, down deep that it takes all my energy to come back up to the top.
I apologize for things I did not even do. I apologize for things I think I’m going to do, I apologize for things that I don’t need apologizing for.
I sometimes think that I have a very low self confidence. Maybe I’m just putting on a mask of confidence but deep inside I’m still broken. I’m a broken soul who’s still looking around and lost. Still in the dark, still not sure about anything.
I am a professional older woman with supposedly have everything I need and want. I do, I always tell myself I do not need anything more. I have everything! I have raised very good and respectful children and I have a very good job. I have a husband that is perfect for me, very good provider- my travel companion, my band mate and friend.
Maybe I am in my mood-lets again. I hate it when this happen. I don’t know what triggers it and I don’t know how to get out of it for now. I guess that’s why I’m writing.
This will be my experiment. This will be my new therapy. Let’s see if it works.